On dentists

I recently changed to a new dentist. As I was lying there, trying not to obsess about the high-pitched whine of the scaler wielded by Candy, the dental hygienist, I reflected on the differences between the various dentists I have encountered over the years.

My former dentist is clearly a Republican.

He is a solo practitioner, totally his own boss. He owns his own building specifically designed to attract up-scale clients. The furniture in the waiting room is comfy and new. A flat-panel, wide-screen TV is tuned to the local news with the sound off. Undistinguished light classical music plays in the background. There is an impressive model of a four-masted schooner with all that complicated rigging in a glass case. According to the little plaque, he made it himself.

All his dental equipment is new. He is proud of his wiz-bang integrated computer system, the milling machine that makes flawless crowns while you wait and the fancy dental chair with a very bright non-glare LED light.

He knows what treatment is best for me, so he doesn't bother to ask me or waste his time explaining. He recommends I use a $100 toothbrush, toothpaste and non-alcohol mouthwash that I can only buy from him. It's all part of the package. He employs a marketing firm and has a billboard on a major highway near downtown. He doesn't participate in any insurance plan. I'm guessing the new Mercedes SUV in the parking lot is his.

His idea of how to motivate me to take better care of my teeth is to scare the daylights out of me. On my x-rays he points out areas of plaque and bone loss. He assures me with more frequent visits he can possibly save my teeth for at least a little longer, but there is no guarantee. He points out that my periodontal numbers are not good. He says he may be able to prevent the need for me to see a gum specialist. Do I remember to floss? Maybe, if I just paid more attention to his directions, my teeth would be in better shape. I always leave the office depressed and convinced my teeth will eventually rot and fall out.

I stopped going to him when he fired a dental hygienist who wanted to reduce her hours somewhat. She worked for him for ten years or more and had a loyal following due to her sunny disposition and gentle hands. He explained firing her was nothing personal, it was just business. After I stopped going to him I received a series of form letters advising me to make an immediate appointment and reminding me of the importance of regular dental care. When his office called to inquire why I had not made an appointment, I told them it was nothing personal, just business.

I'm guessing my new dentist is a Democrat.

His rented office in a unremarkable brick medical building on the edge of an older city neighborhood is nondescript. The furniture in the small waiting room is standard issue doctor's office sturdy. There is no soft background music, just the mandatory TV showing local news with the sound off. He is in partnership with three other dentists who fill in for each other when needed. All the dental equipment appears to be up-to-date but there is no showy cutting-edge technology in evidence.

After my first dental exam this new dentist immediately told me how good my teeth look and the only thing I needed to do was to get back on a regular maintenance schedule. He discussed the advantage of one small repair to a filling and left it up to me whether I wanted that done. No unrequested services were included. The bill was reasonable and the office submitted it to my insurance for reimbursement.  All the office staff were friendly, accommodating and paid attention. I left feeling up-beat and encouraged about the prospects of maintaining modestly healthy teeth for the foreseeable future.

My bet is my new Democrat dentist drives a late model Subaru with little decals representing the family on the back window.

I imagine there must be some Socialist dentists somewhere in the world. I expect they have almost all the same characteristics as the Democrat dentist, except the Socialist dentist accepts all insurance plans including Medicaid. He or she also volunteers at a dental clinic two nights a week and every other weekend. The Socialist dental office is a cooperative venture with a several dentists and a rotating staff. All of them are co-owners of the business. He or she drives a first generation Prius with 150,000 miles on it that has to last forever or at least 250,000 miles. I swear I would go to such a dentist in a heartbeat, if one actually exists.

I suppose there must be a few Libertarian dentists out there. If so, they would not need an office. Such dentists do all their dental work on themselves and think you should too.

Then, there is Orin Scrivello, D.D.S. Check him out: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtMizMQ6oM